Thursday, 4 December 2008

Property Owl Christmas Cup

Tired of the traditional Christmas works do? This year we decided to add some entertainment to the Christmas drink up and after much deliberating in the pub (of course) we came up with the Property Owl Christmas Cup.

The rules are fairly simple, based on a points based league each athlete (and yes we are) has to pit his skill and physical might against his opponent in a selection of herculean challenges. These games are as follows:

Air Hockey
Arcade motorbikes
Arcade punch bag

These six disciplines will obviously test the highly tuned athletes on skill and endurance. Held over approximately eight hours this is a long course and your guide to betting is as follows. Fixed and spread betting available. Our two fillies have dropped out as we refused to include the teeny boppers dance game in the Cup so this will be an all male affair. The course:

Two pubs, one arcade, one pool hall and a casino.

The runners (in no particular order)

Andy – fancies himself as a poker player, apparently played pro once and would no doubt be Frankie Dettori's choice of mount. Expected to excel in Poker, but like his horse racing tips has yet to show any form. Should not be judged on past performances however and is due his day. As a lightweight drinker (his favourite tipple is white wine spritzer) he may not have the legs for such a distance. Odds: 7/1

Hugo – will always do well and is (according to his trainer) a veteran of long distance, but has shown on a number of occasions that he is partial to a little too much wheat and barley. The distance is the key for Hugo and it is his maiden outing for this distance. Unknown quality when reaching his limit and could improve or simply turn into a raving lunatic and flee the course. Not to be underestimated and at good odds makes for a great each way bet. Tipped to win the dominoes. Odds: 10/1

Richard – on past performance is the bookies favourite, but there are many new disciplines and since becoming a father he hasn’t been allowed out. This will seriously effect his drinking prowess and may see his knees shot after half a pint instead of his usual one and a half pints. Never judge a horse by its drunkendness however as whilst looking and playing like a clown on LSD he has the stamina to equal the course record. Needs to stay away from the rail as has a tendency to upset owners and croupiers and could be banned for showing the whip too often. Odds: 6/4

James – the serious competitor of the bunch and will be busy analysing the form of the others, types of dominoes, the ground etc. He will probably walk the course before hand and make notes. A dedicated athlete and strict nutritionist, his pre match preparation will be either a crisp baguette or a microwave burger. Tipped to win the punch bag. May be effected by recent emotional failings of Arsenal. Odds: 11/4

Peter – 2nd in a number of previous competitions he feels cheated and will be secretly gunning for top spot. Champagne is his Achilles heel and it is strongly suspected that the other competitors may lace his feed before the race. Could be strong if kept away from what he sees as performance enhancing substances. Has endured many long distances races, perhaps too many, and given his age may not have anything left to give. Over the hill or one last race in him? Odds: 9/2

Colin – his only competitive performance to date involved the construction of paper aeroplane. As a pilot, he was tipped to take the title but on the day managed to come last with what was, frankly, not worth the paper it was folded on. Will prepare methodically for each discipline and will assimilate each event with aeronautics, quantum physics or the drop in grain prices in the far east. Stamina is not his strong point and has been known to enter himself for all night races and fall at the first hurdle. Also known to offend women in a French/German accept both directly and indirectly. That said, his poker is on form and as rank outsider definitely worth an each way bet. Odds: 12/1

Non runners – Jo (she is very fast, but too young for the competition and her trainer has held her back), Nichola (injured), Nick (off to the glue factory), Adam Smith (made up name for sales calls so can’t compete).

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